I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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