I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
