im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize