So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
