Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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