When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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