Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
