i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm like, not good at living.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
