it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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