i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
