Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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