I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
