i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My bed smells like the plague
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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