remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
