It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
