The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just found puke in my bra..
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
