tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
