no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Randomize
