Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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