cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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