Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
