You work out of a Hotel?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
