but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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