My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
