I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
