Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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