feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
