She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You need Xanax blowdarts
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
