Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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