I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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