When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
