then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize