I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
