I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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