bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
