You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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