But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
