If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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