I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm both gender and math confused
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
