Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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