$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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