this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
