I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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