When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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