Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize