You just made me feel so damn special
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Send help, water and tortillas.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
