whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
