jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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