I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
