i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
