this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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