He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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