great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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