I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
accomplished twins. life is a go
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
