Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
