And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
