I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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