I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
