I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
