that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize