my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
