Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
