so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
