did you get engaged???
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
