do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize