He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
